Adjustment.

Sitting with my eyes closed. Its dark everywhere else and quiet everywhere else but I still have to close my eyes to drown it all out. The house creaking, someone shifting in bed under the sheets, a breeze whipping itself softly around the corner of the house- the quiet; its all too fucking loud. Because all that quiet only amplifies everything bouncing around in my head. Those thoughts that wake me out of my sleep or (like most days) keep me from sleep in the first place.

There's nothing worse than your own mind nagging at you. Not your parents, not your girlfriend, not your man. No, when you're own brain flicks on a whole hour and 23 minutes before you do and starts cataloging shit for you to do, all on its own- that's irritating. Now this may be a condition, that is, it may be temporary. Rather, I hope it's temporary. Just the result of something else I may eventually be able to fix.

In my mind there's a game plan. In my heart there's another. And like in everyone's life, there are good days and bad days. Good days occur when Game Plan #1 and Game Plan #2 cross, when they coincide (when everybody plays nice). Bad days occur when Plans 1 and 2 sabotage one another and are more frequent. And so I've arrived at that point in my life where you're supposed to splice all that together. Create a mashup of everything I need to do and what I want to do. That's it, that's the key to getting rid of this nag.

We'll see how this goes.